Well my promise to send out an update sooner didn't really pan out. I looked at the calender and it's been another 3 weeks. Crazy how time gets away from a person. I don't understand it, it sure doesn't seem like my days go by that fast :)
What do I say in this update? I certainly don't want anyone to be caught off guard and I have people that send me notes and ask how Lindsey is doing. Most of the time I'm not quite sure how to respond. It's one of those things that you know what the kids, the family and you are going through and yet how do I convey it to all of you without sacrificing Josh and Lindsey's privacy. It's a quandry to be sure but I defintely want the people who love Lindsey to understand her situation.
Over the last few weeks I've received some amazing notes from people I don't even know but that know Lindsey and have a past with her. They have shared some wonderful memories with me and I love reading back through those notes, especially on difficult days, and they bring me joy. Lindsey was an incredibly vibrant and loving girl and it shows when I receive heartfelt and personal experiences from her friends. Those notes are cherished. In fact, it would be an awesome time to share some personal experiences, if you feel you can. These don't have to be a memory you have shared with Lindsey, it can be your feelings about how her journey has affected you. What positive things have you done or changed, and how will it change the way you look at life? I know I have much I can and will share when the time is right. For me now, writing the updates is my tribute to her. I hope as we go through the next little while we may all take a few minutes and go to the blog, read back through her journey, and be inspired. That is my prayer and hope.
Lindsey still greets me with a smile when I enter her bedroom. It's pretty rare when a smile is missed and that would only be because she is eating french fries. I'm not kidding!! That girl LOVES french fries. Regular, Taco Amigo (extra crispy, extra salty), Sweet Potato fries. It doesn't matter as long as they came from a potato and look like something that should be a french fry, then she's in heaven. Oh boy is all I can say. It makes me smile. When I leave I always make sure to blow Lindsey a kiss. She always returns it. It's my special 1 second of connection with her. :) I love sitting with Lindsey, even if no words are spoken and caring for her. It makes me feel that I am on the path I should be. What a gift for me to be able to do that. What a blessing she is in my life. I love watching my son care for his best friend. It doesn't matter what it is, he is her strength. Lindsey doesn't say much these days but when Josh gets ready to leave he always says "I love you Lindsey" and Lindsey always replies "I love you more" which of course is greeted with "I love you most" (now don't be thinking of that creepy witch in Tangled cause this is awesome) What makes it even more amazing is that truly Lindsey only says one maybe two words at a time now but the expression of love for Josh is strong and clear.
Some time ago I posted a quote and I think I wrote it again not too long ago. But it's important and I need to remember it more than anything right now. "We may not know what the future holds, but we know who holds it" My dear friend Karen told me that at the beginning of this diffcult journey and it's even more important to remember now as the days get harder to bear. I believe we all know that Lindsey's time here is limited. It is drawing closer each day and we have done all we can do. She has beaten the odds by so much more than any of the doctors ever thought. We have witnessed miracles and events take place, the outpouring of service and love in hers and Josh's behalf has been incredible. I wish I could write that there has been a drastic change in her condition, that things have turned around but I don't believe I will ever get the opportunity to write those words and my heart is broken. There are days when the waves of sadness are almost too much to bear but then I receive a note from someone unexpected or a friend says something that lifts me up. Those do more than I can ever say.
Thank you to all of you for wanting to be included in Lindseys life and journey. Thank you for supporting the kids and sending them your love. Mark's Aunt Kathy made an incredible "Memory" quilt for Lindsey that hasn't left her bed since she gave it to her that was embroidered with special dates from Lindseys life. Truly a gift from the heart. I know your prayers were and are heard. I know they have extended Lindseys life. She is very little discomfort which just shouldn't be happening. She doesn't even take Ibuprophen. I will never be able to express to all of you what is in my heart but I hope I've given you some idea. Another quote I shared recently is this....and I hope we remember it. "What if tomorrow you ended up with only what you thanked God for today" Something to think about. We should all be grateful for the experience of knowing Lindsey.
With all my love,