Thursday, August 25, 2011

As in life on earth, when one season comes to an end, another begins - and so it is with Lindsey.

Hello Everyone,
I'm sitting alone in my office at home and next to my computer is a beautiful picture of Lindsey. It was taken when Josh and Lindsey were engaged and she has the most radiant smile you can imagine. Josh enhanced the sepia toned picture by accentuating Lindsey's beautiful blue eyes and they were so full of happiness and life the day it was taken. It was the smile that drew people to her like moths to light. The smile that inspired 100's of people who didn't even know her but felt her love and joy. The smile that greeted me each time I saw her and later each time I entered her room while she lie in her bed. The smile, which she tried so hard to show on Tuesday nite to Josh. Her joy was complete the day she married her best friend just a little more than 3 years ago.

Before I began this update I said a quiet prayer that I would be able to convey Lindsey's feelings and happiness. I am being told over and over she is incredibly, joyously happy. I know she will sit beside me while I tell her final eartly story and that brings me unimaginable comfort.

Tuesday night I was with Josh and Lindsey with my son Matt. Lindsey was there but struggling to communicate thru the fragileness of her weakened and stricken body. She looked at me, not with bright eyes, but with eyes that said "I did all I could do" I whispered in her ear that she had fought so incredibly hard and she nodded her head yes. She struggled to raise her hand and made the 'I love you' symbol. I couldn't believe the will of her spirit to be able to do such a thing when the rest of her body could barely do anything at all. She slowly turned to Josh and then to Matt and made the same symbol. It touched my heart with joy and pain. I don't think I can fully explain to you the extent of my love for Lindsey. When you are allowed to serve someone your love grows and grows until you feel you might burst. That is how much I loved her. You can only imagine Josh's love for Lindsey for the love and care he showed her. Always by her side. Doing what it took to make her comfortable and happy. It physically hurt to pull myself from her that night. I thought of her all thru the restless night that followed.

Wednesday morning Josh got up as usual and went to work. He said Lindsey's breathing had been a little louder, like snoring and since Lindsey mostly slept thru the day he didn't think too much of it. However, it was Lindsey's body doing it's final preparations to finally be done. As the moments rolled on, all of her siblings, Josh's family, nieces, nephews, aunts, best friends, gathered in Lindsey's room. We were told it could be a short while or it took take some time. Honestly, I thought that Lindsey had beaten all of the other predictions that we were going to be there a while. No one wanted to leave, however and there were nearly 25 people gathered around her bed. Lindseys Mom Pam gave one of the most beautiful prayers I have ever heard and we all began to share our feelings and testimonies regarding Lindsey's life, her legacy, Josh and the care he gave her and the plan of salvation. It was one of the most spiritual and beautiful experiences of my life. Each person dug deep and there were many tears shed. My sons, who are typically incredible private people, shared their love of Lindsey and also their admiration for their brother. We had nearly all spoken when Pam began and while she spoke Lindsey took her final and very peaceful breaths and let that burdensome body go free. It was so peaceful that I really believe if we hadn't been so focused on her we may have missed it. Lindsey graduated from this eartly existence at 2:22 pm (her moms favorite #) it was no coincidence. I will tell you that I honestly believe Lindseys spirit had already escaped that ravaged body. She was with us to be sure but her body made no movement whatsoever that day. Her eyes didn't flutter, her fingers didn't twitch, her head didn't move, she didn't try to speak. It was just breathing and I know she was so incredibly happy to be free. To be the Lindsey we know. To look at her in that bed couldn't be Lindsey. There was no life, no joy, no happiness. No, that could not be her....but she was there beyond our ability to see her, doing her happy dance :)

We have so deeply been moved by the outpouring of love we have received in service and messages we have received. Lindsey's facebook page was inundated with messages and memories and Josh cherished each one. They have been so comforting for him and all of us during this time. Josh is a rock and doing well. He stayed in the same room last night while he, Todd (Lindsey's Dad) and his friend Grant all shared fun memories of Lindsey. Josh wanted to stay close to where she was. He told me that he knows she is happy. There was nothing left unsaid between them and he is peaceful about her passing.

Lindsey's funeral will be held on Monday at 1p in the Timpanogos Stake Center, 800 North 100 West in Pleasant Grove. A viewing will be held 1 hour prior to the funeral and at the same location on Sunday night from 6:30 - 8:30pm. On Monday nite we will be having a special send off for Lindsey by setting 40 floating lanterns aloft to celebrate her life and anyone who would like to participate is free to join us. I will give more information regarding that location later on.

Thank you all for sharing Lindsey's journey with us. Thank you for opening your hearts to her story and letting it be a part of who you are. But....her journey is not finished, only beginning. She is on her way to her next great adventure and I'm envious. For those that know Lindsey and those who have felt her through these updates, she is laughing that wonderful laugh, singing at the top of her lungs, dancing her most happy dance, and watching over us. Lindsey, we love you and you will forever be in our hearts. May we all live as Lindsey lived. With laughter, hope, and dreams.

The Parable of Immortality
I am standing by the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze
and starts for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength,
and I stand and watch until at last she hangs like a peck of white cloud
just where the sun and sky come down to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says :
- ‘There she goes!
Gone where?
Gone from my sight – that is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar
as she was when she left my side
and just as able to bear her load of living freight
to the places of destination.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her.
And just at the moment when someone at my side says:
- ‘There she goes! ‘,
there are other eyes watching her coming to shore,
and other voices ready to take up the glad shout :
- ‘Here she comes!’
By Henry Van Dyke


  1. Linda Ann Sheldon
    So sorry Pam. Lots of hugs and love.

  2. I am saddened to hear of Lindsey's passing but am happy for her that her spirit can now soar and she can bring her light and love to those beyond the veil. My deepest condolences to her husband and family for I know this is very hard. May Heavenly Father bless you all.

  3. Hello my name is Lacy Stryker, my cousin Amanda (Gordon) Condie lives in the same neighborhood as Lindsey and as a child and into my college years I would visit their neighborhood. The first time I met Lindsey she was wearing a wrap around her head to cover her balding head. But her smile and her eyes shined so bright, as if nothing could ever bother her. Years later I saw her again. She came to my cousins house to play guitar. Her beautiful hair had begun to grow back, but she still had those amazing eyes and smile. She played her guitar and had a beautiful voice. I remember thinking, "how could someone who has suffered so much be so happy and have so much inner and outer beauty?" As I continued to watch Lindsey through facebook, blog updates or updates from my cousin I saw that she never changed. Right up until her last days on this earth she still knew how to truly be happy. What an example she is of charity and true happiness. I pray that her family and friends will find comfort in knowing that they have had the opportunity to glimpse heaven while in Lindsey's presence. We are all better for having known Lindsey, even if it was just in passing.

  4. that was the most amazing email i got julie. What an experience. I am very familiar with the passing experience as it gets closer with my MIL recently. Its something that really is a spiritual moment and one you will never forget. The veil is so thin. Lindsey was a fighter and so were all of you. I cant wait till you will all see her again

  5. Thank you Jessica for this beautiful blog. I just found it through Lindsey's obituary. I am a friend of Pam's. I have loved celebrating Lindsey's life through reading this tribute to her. Thank you! It's beautiful!
    Sandra Baker

  6. I came across this blog someone posted it on fb...this story has touched me. She is a beautiful lady her smile is priceless, her husband must be amazing! Her story has helped me not take life for granted. Lots of prayers and love for your family. Thanks for sharing her story!

  7. Okay this is not what is supposed to happen during my lunch hour...I am not supposed to cry like this. I think that my mom has had contact with you in some way and I found this blog and could not help but comment. I am fighting the brain cancer fight right now and today I needed this blog. I see the pictures of her and see me. I see the long hair and then the short. I see the nurses in the hospital helping her they did me and most of all I see my very own Joshua who has stood by me for all this trial. I have felt as if someone has been carrying me..encouraging me and loving me. I know that it is those who have passed before me and I can't help to feel that she is there for me too. I feel happiness through my darkest days. Her story helps continue to push their fear out of my story. Thank you. I will never forget this feeling and this moment.

    Tara (Schlappi) Bodrero